What's next?

After I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, I honestly had no idea what I was about to go through. All of the movies and stories suddenly popped in my mind and it instantly went to bad thoughts.

What was my family going to do if I didn't make it?! Mainly my mom and boyfriend, they see me everyday and really are the ones that are going to go through this with me. How was I going to BEAT this? I'm not strong enough, I'm not brave...what did I do wrong? This was the WORST time in my life and I was completely blind sided.

I was angry, I was ashamed, I was HURT, I was beyond CONFUSED! This is beyond me and what I can control so I just gotta suck it up butter cup!

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Around my birthday I had my MRI biopsy, another day I wont forget. I HATED this the most (besides the chemo). Thankfully I had my sister and boyfriend with me in the waiting room but I wish I could of had them in the room with me because it was BRUTAL. I had no idea what to expect so I was nervous and shocked at all this new equipment I've always seen on TV. The MRI machine helped get a better and more definitive look of both my breasts (they saw another lump closer to my chest wall so that's why I was scheduled for the MRI Biopsy).

I was slowly getting used to being pocked with a needle for blood sticks but you can never really be ready for the sting. I NEVER liked needles but it's something I was learning to tolerate. Once I changed out of my clothes, took all the metal out of my body and put their little gown on...I sat down on a hard table while they started an IV. After the IV was in (after two tries because I'm a hard stick), I had to lay face down and place my breasts in these little holes. The tech re-positioned my breasts the way they needed to be and than I went into the machine...making sure I stayed still!

The noises the machine made was beyond loud and weird. I guess each noise did something different but thankfully they gave me ear plugs! After they found the lump in the pictures, they pulled me back out of the machine & mind you I still couldn't move. With my arms above my head, I feel this huge needle jam into my side boob. I'm not gonna like, I flinched and than started crying. It was scary and I hated it. I wanted her to stop doing what ever she was doing and than she told me that was only to numb the area! ....ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

The Radiologist gave me a second to take a couple deep breathes and than she told me what was going to happen next. She had to stick me with a big needle, big enough to fit a little tub in my breast to get to the center of my chest basically...I cussed, not at her but just out loud. What was happening to me?! I know she just told me but REALLY...I have to go through this?! "Why... what did I do?" That's all that was on my mind. I took my deep breathes and than she continued with the procedure. The tube was a little vacuum type thing which got a sample of the mass they found.

That was the a horrible experience and I NEVER want to do that again! I hate people have to go through that but I'm thankful that in this day and age were able to do these types of procedures.

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After a couple of days maybe a week, those results came back and THANKFULLY they were negative for cancer cells! GREAT, we only have to worry about one lump. So, what's next?!

More meetings with doctors and a genetics test to see if this if hereditary or not. As of right now, I need to cry and TRY to get ready for this journey that I always thought would never happen to me or anyone I loved.

Well, HERE WE GO!

( I want everyone to be aware that I have already been through my journey & doing well, I'm sharing the steps and emotions I went through to let others know that their feelings are valid and REAL. You're not alone! )