Do you know who you really are?

Picture this, your in middle school at the lunch table and you hear one of your friends say something to their friend about you.

Your in a convo with some other people but in the back of your mind your trying to secretly listen to what they're saying.

What do you do? Do you sit there and let it happen or do you ask what they're talking about? This is what is shaping who you become and how you let others know how YOU want to be treated. Every little thing throughout our day/days help shape us into the people we want to be!

Don't get me wrong I still don't know who I really am just yet, and I'm 28 years old. I remember wishing I wasn't in the body that I lived in. It was awful, I hated going to school, I hated telling people I was adopted, I hated telling people my parents were white, I HATED my hair. I knew that much. This was when I started really becoming quiet and reserved. I never used to smile that much because my teeth were HORENDOUS...all crooked and sideways. Kids were horrible, I cant even say were...they still are! It is a learned behavior in MY PERSONAL OPINION!

This was one of the hardest things I THOUGHT I had to go through. I started isolating myself from people and just stayed with the ones I knew were REALLY my friends!

I was over being made fun of, I was over being left out because I wasn't the same as my parents, or my favorite was...I was some of the few that wasn't wearing name brand clothes or my hair was different. This really damages a child.

I would come home with the worst attitude or some days I would act like nothing happened to play it off for my mom. I finally told my mom I wanted to do something different with my hair because I soon found out I was REALLY tender headed...my hair knotted up when water touched it, leave in conditioning didn't help and my mom was at a loss because it became a complete task to do! One of my sisters introduced us into straight roots and straight hair (a relaxer)…I WAS IN LOVE! I used it every time my roots came back in and it was getting tougher to brush through. But I didn't know that relaxing my hair was actually really damaging it. It burns when you leave it on your scalp too long and it never crossed my mind that its probably not good if its burning you lol! I wanted to fit in with all the other kids. In Weddington NC, 2006 the African American community wasn't that big...but it was growing.

High school was even more challenging for me, because this is what really mattered. Everything you did was looked at and evaluated. Anything you wore, who you hung out with, what kind of binders you had, if you had paper book covers or felt, which lunch table to sit at...at this time this was determining who you were for the next four years! That alot of pressure to put on someone. Once again...its a LEARNED BEHAVIOR!

I learned putting weave in my hair made better more confident about myself but it still didn't fix my social status. As the four years went on...I was friends with almost everyone I came in contact with because of my personality. People started to recognize my happiness when my appearance started to get better. I thought that was it, I needed to look better and that will help me figure out who I was.

WRONG! Those adversities helped me become who I am today! I sympathize for those kids who were in my shoes. I understand how it feels to look in the mirror and hate what you see looking back. I've been that broken soul wondering if this is really where I am supposed to be. All of my experiences made me realize how STRONG I really am and even though it seems like they were going to break me, I'm thankful for those "ugly duckling" years because without them...I wouldn't know who I really am.