It's happening again.

I can feel it, my attitude has changed and my face has "THE LOOK".

NOTHING happened! I'm not sure why I feel like this today but I do. Ever since I wrote my last blog about depression I've done a good job at staying busy and OFF THE COUCH! Well, over the weekend I let it slip...because it was the weekend. Now I'm paying for it.

I have so many ideas I want to execute but have no motivation to do it. My mind has taken over my self motivating power...all because I sat on the couch. It might sound weird to you but it makes sense to me. Over the last year or two I've really been learning a lot about myself, way deeper than I ever tried before. Because of letting whatever I feel be recognized, it's helped me notice the emotion/situation and try to change my reactions for the next time. I also learned that I am a person that needs to work on self control & motivation. In a podcast I was listening to, one of the guests said that she was a person that CAN'T just have ONE of anything. ( In this case...I shouldn't of sat on the couch!) That's exactly how I am! SUGAR is my ultimate love and if I go months without it I'm fine, it's that first taste of the sugar that gets me and next thing I know the whole bag is gone and my craving is back.

The couch...I knew that I am NOT productive if I sit on the couch. I'll get too comfortable and than start to get tired. It brings my whole mood down to where I don't want to do anything.

I was doing SO good the last couple of weeks. I found things to keep me busy and off the couch. I started reading books again, building my blog, coloring, yoga, crafting and cooking...well TWO WEEKS of being on the constant move and not letting myself get lazy...caught up to me. YUP, this past weekend I rewarded myself with the couch! I TOLD myself...it's ONLY for the weekend. I was WRONG!

I got really good at sitting on the couch for 5 minutes than not returning until it was dark outside. This weekend was spent on the couch. It was AWESOME don't get me wrong...but it also brought my laziness, depression, anxiety and writing/crafting block back out. All because I sat down on the couch!

I have enough motivation to do yoga because that makes me feel empowered and strong along with TIRED! It gives me energy but also take A LOT of energy just like working out. But I'm noticing my head isn't clear. So many thoughts and things I want to do but once again...I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START!

Yeah, I know there's a million things I can do but my mind has to push through whatever it's going through right now. I'm not perfect and I'm still learning how to deal with triggers, depression and being so far from my comfort zone. BUT I also don't need my comfort zone...I need to learn to figure it out on my own. I need to entertain myself with my ambitions and dreams. I need to accept that there are going to be days where I want to do NOTHING but the next day dive right back to where I left off. I need to understand that my MENTAL HEALTH is just as important as my physical health, so this break might be a good thing that I can't see right now?!

As I write this, I somewhat feel like a weight is lifted off my shoulder. I have a hard time remembering that it's okay to take a break. It's okay to be more ambitious than before. It's okay to feel defeated...just make sure you DON'T stay defeated (it will give you more motivation for the next time)! Life is about making mistakes and learning from them. Every day is a new day to do better and work towards the quality of life you've been dreaming about.

COVID-19 has dramatically changed our whole world. It's only natural to feel these things but its not okay to stay in those feelings. This is the time to CHANGE what wasn't working before. This is a TEST...make sure to pass it with flying colors, if something wasn't working before we were quarantined than don't continue the habit when this is over. That's EXACTLY what I'm trying to do. Change is GOOD and beneficial for growth. I won't come out of this the same person, I'll come out of this 10 times stronger and motivated. This is NOT the end of my journey...I'm making sure I FOLLOW THROUGH with my dreams because in the end it's going to benefit me!

SO, if you are or were feeling like me just remember this isn't forever but your happiness is! Always stay positive and optimistic...it goes a long way! Take this time to work on yourself. Take this time to show yourself love. Take this time to IMPROVE YOURSELF!

(just remember what your doing is to better yourself & future...use it as motivation)

#YOUARENOTALONE #YOUAREINCONTROL